I kept noticing the pain in his eyes

Mike and I were sitting across from each other at a table in a busy restaurant.  I wanted the conversation to go at the pace that Mike wanted.  It was his time and he was setting the agenda.  I reached out to Mike because, in a relatively causal conversation, I kept hearing something else in his voice- a testing of the waters;  "Can I trust you?" And I kept noticing the pain in his eyes.  When I suggested lunch,  he eagerly eargerly agreed.

We chatted amicably about easy topics- mostly about food since both of us like cooking for other people.  Our lunch arrived at the table.  He exhaled deeply and gave me this look like, "OK.  I'm ready."  So I asked, "How can I help, Mike?" Then he started with his story.  As I listened, I kept feeling like it was not particularly out of the ordinary- you know, a young guy struggling with porn. So what?  What young man  hasn't?  He saw himself as an occasional addict- every three months or so. "Not too bad," I thought to myself.  He had gone the "accountability" route with very little impact.

Even though he said he knew he was forgiven that didn't seem to matter.  He still felt  condemned and that he felt "seperated from God" when he indulged.  So he tried to push the guilt away and act like it never happened.

The fear in his eyes told me that he was expecting me to get up from the table and walk away.  Instead, I looked straight into his eyes and said, "It doesn't have to be this way."  For me, the real issue was not his occasional indugence in porn, but his incomplete view of God.   He doesn't know that when God forgives the slate is washed clean.  He doesn't know that no how many times he comes to God for forgiveness, God never tires of hearing his cry for help.  He doesn't know that  God accepts him as he is.  He doesn't know that through healing prayer God can heal him of the pain of condemnation.  He doesn't know that God wants to speak truth into his life and help him look at why he needs porn in the first place.  

The church has failed Mike.  Mike grew up in the church but has never really received anything like acceptance and mercy.

I"m no addiction specialist.  I'm just a listening friend.  But maybe this conversation (and those that will follow) might be a starting point.  I doesn't have to be this way, not for Mike or anyone else.