When I heard the parable of the talents as a child it scared me to death. It was a horror movie that I did not want to see. Like all good horror movies, that parable pushed me into a corner and forced me to face my fears. Like all the teachings of Jesus, the parable showed me the truth about my heart. The truth was that I did not want to serve God. I had my own aspirations and I did not want responsibility to God to get in the way. Sure, I did not want to end up in that place where there was “weeping and gnashing of teeth,” but if the price of a get out of hell card was Christian service, then I would ignore the parable’s warning and take my chances. Lots of things could happen between my childhood and death. I’ll repent later if that’s what it takes. For now, I want to live for me.
Quite frankly, and why I thought this I do not know, I did not believe that God was trustable. If I actually gave my life to God what would God do with it, anyway? Send me as a missionary to some poverty stricken place on the planet only to die of disease, or worse? Would I be stuck in some ghetto? Would God pay any attention at all to my own aspirations? Probably not, I thought.
I actually knew, although I did not want to admit it, that there was something corrupting and corrosive about my own desires. I had heard enough about the needs of the world, even at that young age, to know that a life of self-centered acquisition was destructive. But I was too young to know anything about the “I’m worth it!” justification some have for their greed; nor did I know anything about charity work as a therapeutic tool for personal affirmation.
My fear of God controlled how I related to God and how I related to much of life. Sometimes fear is an appropriate warning about an imminent danger. But if fear is the primary driver, it will lead us down the wrong path. Fear causes us to try to take control of our uncertain future, destroying trust in anything but ourselves. Fear is restrictive, not expansive. Fear challenges the very idea of God being good.
It was only much later that I discovered that my understanding of God was all wrong. I don’t know what church had done to me to teach me that God was a fearful miser who enjoyed using up His servants for His own purposes. But when I cam face to face with the lavish Love of God revealed in the life of Jesus my defenses against Him melted away.
The parable of the talents is not a horror movie- it is an amazing invitation to see God for who He actually is- more generous than we could ever imagine. It also poses a choice: do I believe my own fears, or am I willing to believe what I see in Jesus? Fear offers terrible counsel- not primarily because it is wrong, but because it is incomplete. Fear only counsels us to play defense, not offence; and if all we play is defense we miss the generosity of God entirely
Now I only wish I could give away more. Sure I still have my own aspirations; and little by little God is refining those aspirations and purging away the dross. To my amazement, I am learning that God’s will is far better than my own, and I would not have it any other way.
